My match experience

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Dating in your 30's

I don't know what it is. I just recently turned 30 (actually it was 6 months ago...shit!) Anyway, although I have entered the next decade of life, I think most of you agree that I don't really look 30 years old. I can still pass for mid to late 20's (depending on how strict they are at the bar that I am drinking at)...but 80% of the time I go somewhere that requires your age to be 21 and over, I am carded. And when I meet people they think that I am 26 or 27 (actually a new lady at work yesterday said I looked 25 but she is Asian and she looks 30 but is probably really 40).

Well, since I've entered this new decade (now known as the new 20's), it seems that the fact I look 27 isn't really helping when it comes to attracting men in my age bracket (age: 28-35). For instance, when I first started this whole online dating thing, the first few guys that contacted me were in the over 40 age group (average age 44). I figured that I would verify that my age range was indeed 28-35. I am not saying that I wouldn't date anyone outside that range. However, I am sure that I would prefer someone at least younger than 40.

Meet my neighbor JD. He's a 48 year old single guy who lives in my complex. At first I thought he was a total tool. I met him one night at the baseball game. He was there with his hat propped slightly a top his head with his glove on. It was like being at the ball game with a 6 year old kid waiting to catch a fly ball. I wound up leaving early because I was embarrassed to be seen with him.

Although the incident at the Padres game scarred me, I did find the strength to hang out with him again recently. This time we went and grabbed sushi at my favorite place down the street from our house. At dinner, I had an opportunity to really get to know him. He's a nice guy, divorced, looking to just find someone to hang out with. He's not bad looking for an older guy. He has all his hair, teeth, and doesn't really look 48 ( I would say 42). Since sushi, I've been more open to hanging out with him. We played board games one night at Jeanie and Rolf's (my next door neighbors) and he came over last week for the Chargers game and then Sunday we watched football (with Rolf) at D Street in Encinitas. We've done a lot of things together...as friends.

He's OK. Not someone I would date. First of all, he's 48. Second of all, he doesn't own a TV. Third of all, he IS tool. There's a part of my personality he just doesn't pick up. He's not very "hip" on the now and when we talk I have to explain to him what certain things are (for ex: :JD, this is an IPOD). And for some reason, he's into me.

And it didn't help on Sunday, as I sat watching football before JD and Rolf got there, that a man the age of my father asked me out. This guy was sitting next to me on a first date with a wrinkly older woman (probably not that old but she's taught me to stay out of the sun if my skin is going to look like her's in 20 years). We chatted a little about football the one time the woman got up and that was about it. They walked out of the bar and 10 minutes later the guy came back, ordered a beer, and sat down at my table to watch the games. He didn't stay long, but just long enough to tell me that he wants to marry me. Hmmm....Dawn, you would've really liked him. He was a distinguished older man with silver hair.

I guess dating in your 30's is a lot different than I expected it to be. Maybe I will fall in love with a man who is 50 years old and is thinking about retirement instead of starting a family. It seemed a lot different in my 20's to meet an "older man" because older was 30 something. And now "older" is 40 to 50 something. I think I need to just suck it up and accept the fact that I'm no spring chicken...only in the eyes of the older man.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

The downslide...

I did it! I finally did it...I cancelled my match.com subscription. As of 10/24/06 I am no longer a match.com customer (insert sigh of relief here). It has been one heck of a roller coaster ride. Scared and intimidated at first, then excited for new things, then bold and confident about my dating life, then a tiny bit of hesitation about dating in this generation (the whole online thing), and now more so of an utter disgust toward the male race. This was better than my trip to Magic Mountain last week!!!

I know that I still have more than a month left on the website (although I do have the opportunity to make my profile private, therefore eliminating any chances of awkward interaction with a guy who is looking for his soulmate). I can't believe how cynical I have become to this whole online dating thing. Seriously. What happened in the days before the internet? How did people meet? It wasn't too long ago that the internet was NOT the #1 spot to find a guy. Is it time to go back to DBI (Dating Before Internet)??

OK. Before I go on a tangent on how the internet has made even the dorkiest guy seem like coolest guy in the world, I have to say that I still do stick behind my theory that I DO encourage my friends to try match.com. I feel that every single person should try match.com at least once in their life. Whether it's just to get a few laughs, a few dates, or possibly prove my theory wrong that you can never find real guys on this thing...it's definitely worth the try. I don't believe that my match.com experience was a failure. If anything I learned a lot about single men between the ages of 27 and 35 in the San Diego area...and I especially learned a lot about myself.

I guess I can't blame my unsuccessful match.com experience strictly on all the lame guys that are ON match.com. I take full blame for being picky on they type of guys I would associate myself with. Yes Guido...I don't think I will respond to your e-mail because I am not turned on by the fact that you have posted 6 pictures of yourself without your shirt on. And I'm sorry Juheed, although you are a chemical engineer with a PHD, I have a feeling that our conversation over dinner will not always be about the periodic table.

But I will definitely say that I DESERVE to be picky. I waited 30 years (OK, technically about 20 since I think my first boy crush on Paul Huff was when I was 10) to find a guy to "date" or potentially spend the rest of my life with. I'm not going to waste my time becoming friends with half the San Diego Star Wars Charter Club because I am too nice to say "no" to a date. COME ON! I may not have a PHD but I sure know what the hell CHEMISTRY is!

And so it is. The beginning of the end of my online experience. I am not saying that I am shut down and will not be open to date anyone. I am just saying that I am not at the point anymore to make the effort to meet people right now. There are other things going on in my life that I need to concentrate on (insert sigh here).

Thursday, August 24, 2006

What the world is coming to

So my brother has a girlfriend. WHUT!?!?!?!

And here I am...over a month into match.com and all I have done is been on three dates (two of them were blind dates NOT from match) and the third was with Furball. That happened last Wednesday. Obviously not a date worth repeating since I haven't blogged about it yet. Let's just say that he's a really NICE guy. However, I was turned off when he started dancing in his chair as we sat there talking. Don't ask...

I don't get it. My brother gets set up one blind date and now he's saying that he's met "the one". He's already talking about marriage (it's only been a couple of weeks but he's met her parents ALREADY). Here I am on match.com and this is what I get:


From: winner34 (winner34@talkmatch.com)
To: Greekgirl0317 (Greekgirl0317@talkmatch.com)
Date received: August 29, 2006
Subject: birthday weekends...
Hey there!As a Pisces and with 0317 in your name, I'll assume that's your bday??? Mine's 3/20...we can party hard together during that long weekend, eh?;-)

(ok so I know I just broke THREE MAJOR no no's for match - the "assume we'll be together before you even write me back, the "eh?" and the wink...but I'm thinking 3 wrongs make a right...bail me out here....at least I don't have long hair!!!)
I like your profile, especially the sports angle. My sister is a converted Colts fan. You two will have plenty to talk about at family BBQ's. DOH!write me back!
Steve


I mean seriously Steve. How do you expect a expect a girl to answer to that? Already assuming we'll be together on our birthdays and hanging out at family bbq's...WHUT!?!?! This e-mail has PSYCHO written all over it. Next e-mail will say "Hey, let's meet up for a date. I think a hike would be great. Meet me at the canyon and bring along rope and duct tape".

Has anyone been on match.com lately and has seen what is out there?

Jon and I did a little match.com searching last Friday. We eliminated all the profiles with guys who had pictures with their shirts off (there were at least 1 profile to every 5 that had that picture in it). We eliminated all guys with mullets and all guys that started their profile similar to "I'm a happy, healthy, energetic and educated single guy looking for a companion I can connect with". ..pretty much left me with one or two profiles to look at. Interesting...

That nunnery is looking sweeter every day that goes by. I am trying to resolve that I WILL be single the rest of my life. Dawn, Kelly...even if you two get married, can you please live in a house with an extra room for me?? I can cook and clean and even watch the kids (Dawn) when I'm home.

Friday, August 18, 2006

I'm Bringing Sexy Back

Justin Timberlake...what compelled you to bring sexy back? What does sexy mean to you? Hmm...

Sorry I missed blogging last week. It was a crazy week at work and I didn't have time this weekend to catch up. So here goes:

Things on match have slowed down a little. It's funny how at first I would get a lot of requests or "winks" as they call them. Now I get about two to three a week. I haven't been "winked" at by anyone interesting. A couple of 27 year olds and a couple of guys who don't live in the area. Hmmm...

I didn't get a chance to meet up with FurBall last Saturday at the Billy Idol concert. Somehow his plans had changed and so he didn't go. I did like the fact that he called me to tell me he wasn't going to make it. At least he has a little consideration and calls! During our conversation he mentioned that he wanted to meet up with me and so I told him to call me and set something up.

I was really surprised to see an e-mail waiting for me when I checked it on Monday morning. And the funny thing is that as soon as I responded, so did he. We began the e-mailing back and forth until Wednesday when I got out of the gym and there was a message from him. So I called him back.

Fur Ball is funny. A nice guy with a good sense of humor. Once in a while he said something dorky like "darn it" but overall he has a personality. We talked about meeting up over the weekend but our schedules didn't match up. So we ended up saying the we would try to meet up some time this week. We shall see...

I'm thinking a lot about this dating thing. Although fun and exciting, it really does take a lot of time and dedication to really get into it. It's like my priorities are set: go to work, go to the gym, watch Big Brother (Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday nights)...and soon it will be football season. Where am I going to find the time to date a guy?!?!

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm questioning my commitment to the dating game. Maybe it's because the summer is ending and I know the seasons are soon to change in a couple of months. Summer always seems like to time to try new things and meet new people. By Fall, you are more settled, looking forward to the winter...the days get shorter and the nights get longer.

We'll see what happens this week. Until then I'll just focus on my new obsession: how am I going to bring sexy back? I think we all need to ask ourselves this question. Let me know if you come up with any good suggestions. I can't seem to understand what Justin is saying, but the video is pretty intriguing!

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Myspace, Russian Brides, and the Future of Dating

I've been thinking about what I was going to write in my blog this whole week. I had it pretty much figured out: what qualities I want in a guy...time to re-evaluate? It all started out like this...

You all know that recently I have been meeting guys who are the nicest, sweetest guys around. They are such gentlemen and would make any girl want to be with them. But then, as I got to know them better, their lack of ambition and low self esteem would appear. I call it the "woe is me" syndrome. The guy who can't move on with their life because they are too busy feeling sorry for themselves.

So I went on date #2 with Ron on Saturday night. On date #2 I realized that Ron was REALLY ambitious. He owns his own company and spends all his time working. FINALLY someone who is ambitious in life and with their career! FINALLY a guy who has self esteem and is constantly looking at the positive of things and not the negative. WOO HOO!!!

Well, Saturday was the last time I saw and spoke with Ron. He hasn't called me since then, but I just assume it is because of his work schedule and what not. No worries.

So today I was on myspace. I have a profile set on there but have never used it for anything other than to talk to friends and listen to music. For some reason today I decided to randomly look up Ron to see if he has a myspace profile...and he did. There his picture was on his page. It was very simple. He hadn't logged on to myspace since mid July so I know he's not on top of this as much as I am. I decided to look at the rest of pictures which were filled of him and another girl. No name of the girl but he referred to her as "my baby girl" and "my lady". He had a blog posted on his page. This is what his blog said:

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Current Events Current mood: cheerful Category: Life

Hello all you slackers!! Too much time on the myspace and it will hurt your libido!!
So I have just returned from traveling again.I have been all over and I have spent most of time in Ukraine. I met a young lady named Kristina and we are going to get married on April 29th 2006. I'm very excited and we are going to honeymoon in Egypt for 22 days. We will go scuba diving on the red sea,ride camels,horses jet skis and other private rides. It will be great to see all the pyrimids and other cool stuff.That's all I have to say about that..


Ok,ok...here's the situation: Ron ordered himself a Russian bride. Whether he's actually married (or in the process of getting married) is still up for discussion. From my experience with the "mail order bride", it takes a while (6 months to a year) for the Russian woman to get her papers together and approved for her to get to the USA. How am I familiar with the process? Tyler (Las Vegas ex-boyfirend) has a friend who ordered himself a Russian bride so I know how the process goes.

Haha. I can't help but laugh at this. I get set up with one guy who has no communication skills (and a black front tooth), and then I get set up with another guy (who I actually liked) and I find out he has paid for a girl from the Ukraine to marry. What is going on??

I have to say I learned one thing about dating and the future of it. If you meet someone you like it is pertinent that you search them on myspace (or google) before moving further. The internet is your friend. You can find out a lot about a person by looking at their profile and reading their blog.

**Not to be discouraged. I might meet up Saturday with the one guy I have been talking to on match.com. He's got one positive going for him so far: he likes Billy Idol and will be at the racetrack for the concert (which is where I will be)!**

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

SOLD!

For all of you who are thinking about match.com or online dating...

I am a BELIEVER!!!

OK. But you have to understand that I have set my standards on what exactly I am looking for from this experience. I think online dating is great for two reasons:

1) Meet new and interesting people (notice the emphasis)
2) If you don't like someone you don't have to talk to them

Imagine all the times you are at a bar and the guy who you least want to talk to comes up and doesn't seem to get the hint that you're not interested (KB-good example was Class of 47 night with Ms. Pac Man). It becomes annoying because you don't want to come off as being a snob or a prude but you also don't want to spend your time talking to someone who tells you he's a rocket scientist and thinks you're going to want to marry him because of it. On match.com...you don't have to do that!! You can just ignore him!!

And imagine all the times you are at a bar and you see the hot guy at the end with his cute friends but you haven't drinken enough to get the courage to talk to him? On match.com you can wink or e-mail as many people you would like and at least (guaranteed) ONE will e-mail you back. And if he doesn't...who cares! He doesn't know you!

I think it's great. I think that, although there are some downfalls to the match.com experience (like finding out the guy is a turd after you've already developed some sort of e-mail relationship). But all in all...if you are open to idea of meeting people with no underlying pre-tense...than just do it!

My match experience is picking up little by little. I started off strong (talking to three guys but actually liking two) and I have narrowed it down to really only wanting to pursue an actual encounter with one (his name is Fur Ball). He's HILARIOUS! We have been e-mailing back and forth since last week. What I like is that I don't feel like I'm on an interview. I feel like I'm talking to a good friend.

Which brings me to Ron. My cousin Liz set us up. It started off as a "blind date" but Ron wound up showing up at a mutual friends party on Saturday. Everything seemed OK and he said he would call to hang out. Well he called me yesterday and we set up to meet at PF Changs in La Jolla. After finding out it was going to be an hour until we got seated, we headed off to another restaurant (the 94th Aero Squadron). I can honestly say that I had one of the best dates I've had in a long time. It was so refreshing to meet a guy that fit my personality so well. I laughed and smiled so much last night...it was a great time.

And it was this that took the cake:

Ron mentioned at the beginning of the date that if I was nice to him he would get me an ice cream. Well, after dinner we ordered ice cream. The waitress came back and told us that they didn't have that flavor in stock. So we ordered another flavor and she, again, came back and told us that they were also out of that one. So we took it as a sign and left. On our way back to my car, Ron stopped off at the gas station to get gas. As he went in to pay, I sat in the car and waited for him to come out. Needless to say, as he opened the car door, there he was with two Haagan Daaz ice cream bars in his hand.

I'm sold! This dating thing really IS fun!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

And we're off!!!

After long consideration, I decided to go "all in." Although my experience so far (prior to paying) has been unsuccessful, I had to remind myself that I need to take more risks in life. Ultimately, how is this going to effect me? It's not going to hurt me if I pay and post my profile. I don't need to talk to every single person who is in contact with me, right?

And so I did it. Call it a tough start of the week, or whatever reason, but I just needed to do something. So I sat in front of my computer on Monday afternoon trying to figure out how I was going to change things in my life. And you know what I did? I paid for my match.com subscription.

So I'm connected for three months. No matter what happens I'm in (except for death which they will reimburse for). And you know what happened as soon as I subscribed? I started talking to three guys. Out of the three, there are only two that I would actually consider meeting up with. Both are avid sports fans (yippee) and live in the North County area (one in Vista and another in San Marcos). One guy is 34 and the other is 36. The 34 year old writes long e-mails and really gets into depth with the conversation (his name is Steve). The 36 year old has a great sense of humor and is pretty sarcastic (his name is Little Fur Ball).

It's pretty fun e-mailing back and forth. It does take more time than just talking to them one on one. I guess that you have to e-mail first to really figure out if you want to eventually talk on the phone with that person or eventually meet them up. This is the worst part. I call it the "awkward let's get to know each other on match.com"stage. Trying to feel a person out before deciding whether you really want to meet them or not. Honestly, I wish I could skip the e-mailing and just meet them. I think if you build a connection via e-mail/phone and you actually like this person, but then when you meet them you realize they are not social or they truly are the "woe is me guy" (this has happened to me before) then it's more disappointing in the end.

But I have to remember that I am here to broaden my horizons...not to meet my husband. This is a learning experience as are most things in life. And if you don't allow yourself to take those chances in life (like sign up on match.com) you'll never learn what dating in the year 2006 is all about.

PS. Has anyone tried Speed Dating?? I have been referred to it and I think I might be interested. Thoughts?!?!